


REMEDY

by achemicalmess



Category: Frank Iero and the Future Violents (Band), Frank Iero and the Patience, Gerard Way and the Hormones, LeATHERMØUTH, My Chemical Romance, frnkiero andthe cellabration
Genre: Family Fluff, Fluff, Frerard, M/M, Sickfic, family fic, frank asshole, gerard nurse
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2020-05-30
Updated: 2021-02-27
Packaged: 2021-03-03 00:35:07
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 20,065
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/24462115
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/achemicalmess/pseuds/achemicalmess
Summary: TW//mention of Frank's accident, suicide ideation[originally a oneshot] After his accident, Frank's back is fucked and his dreams are all gone. He and Jamia are fighting all the time, and he's given up. Jamia hires a nurse to take care of him while she goes to work, and you know....
Relationships: Frank Iero/Gerard Way, Frank Iero/Jamia Nestor
Comments: 62
Kudos: 75





	1. YOUNG AND DOOMED

Sometimes Frank wished he had died.

Sometimes he felt he had.

The only thing keeping him alive was his family. His wife and kids were the reason he hadn't tried to end the job that the accident started. They had already been through a lot, and he knew he'd hurt them again, and he couldn't do that.

Also the fact he couldn't get up on his own to go to the bathroom to get the pills.

It had been a year since the accident that not only had taken his ability to play, but his dreams and the only way to feel useful. It had fucked up his spine, leaving him in a wheelchair.

He'd been to many therapists already, but he always ended up yelling at them that they didn't understand what he was going through, and that he'd rather be dead.

Jamia had tried everything to cheer him up, but to no end. She even started working from home to take care of him, but they would fight all day, and her boss wasn't that happy about not having her in the office. So she had no choice but to call the number Frank's doctor gave her to hire a stay-home nurse. 'Honey, we need to talk,' she said, sitting next to him on the couch.

He couldn't help missing the days where they could be intimate. Not only his body couldn't take it, but their relationship was on thin ice, and he was afraid she'd leave him any second. Not that he didn't deserve it. But she was too good of a woman to leave him when he was at his lowest, and he knew he didn't deserve her. He put an arm around her, pulling her closer. Her uneasiness made him think this was it, this was the moment she'd tell him she'd find someone else and she was leaving him. Or she'd tell him she wants the divorce. Whatever it was, he was afraid to ask.

'First of all, you're free to say no, but please give this a chance,' Jamia continued, confusing Frank. 'I talked to your doctor, and we think it's best if you have a professional to take care of you. A nurse.'

'Oh so is that what I am? I'm too much for you?' Frank asked, sounding offended. 'And since when it's _we_ when you talk to my doctor? I'm no fucking child! I just can't walk, but why am I not involved in this conversation?'

Frank was already yelling at her, and she was crying. He had made everything worse. If she hadn't thought about leaving him before, now she was. 'Fine. I didn't want to tell you just yet, but I'm planning on going back to the office. I can't leave you on your own. That's why I'm hiring a nurse.' And with that she left the room.

***

The next morning, he could hear Jamia talking to someone in the living room. He decided to stay in the room all day, with the occasional visit from one of the kids to play with him or Jamia to bring him food. But they didn't talk to each other.

The nurse came in the following morning. Her name was Regina, and she was an older woman, probably his mom's age, but Frank did not like her. She made him eat and she tried to bathe him, she had no sense of humor. Frank begged Jamia to get rid of her, but she wouldn't listen. It wasn't until a week later that he made Regina quit because she was tired of his stubbornness. 'For real, Frank?' Jamia almost yelled at him. 'I'm really trying. For the both of us. I can't stay here all day anymore, and you don't want me here either. I'm sorry for what happened, I don't know how many times I have to tell you. But we're all trying.'

The following morning, they had sent another nurse. For some reason they thought sending a male nurse would be more comfortable for Frank, but when Jamia brought the man in their room to introduce him, Frank didn't seem to agree. 'He's the new nurse?' he said, pointing to the man in the doorway. He was wearing several layers of coats, and had a chubby face. He seemed harmless. But he wouldn't let another dude see him naked again.

'Yes – and if you make him quit, I swear I'm going to take you to your mom's house and leave you there.'

'Oh, don't worry, ma'am,' the nurse said. 'I have experience with difficult patients. That's why they sent me.'

'So you think I'm difficult?'

Neither of them answered.

Jamia helped him to his wheelchair, and out to the living room. 'I already told Gerard how you like your coffee, and your schedule. He knows way more than I do on the rest, so I'll leave you two while I take the kids to school.'

As told, Gerard brought Frank his cup of coffee, in his favorite mug, with a tiny bit of vanilla. 'You want me to turn on the TV?' Gerard asked. 'Or you read the newspaper? Or –' He was really trying, but Frank just gave him a look. If they thought he was difficult, he'd give him difficult.

'This coffee tastes awful,' he said. 'Not enough vanilla.' So Gerard fixed it for him.

And then he tried to cook him breakfast, and the moment he brought it to Frank he said. 'Didn't Jamia told you I'm vegetarian?'

'It's fake bacon.'

Jamia took an extra two hours to run errands, and to let them get to know each other. It was mostly Gerard sitting across Frank while he watched TV, and Frank giving him a weird look when he thought he'd have to change diapers. 'Dude, you just have to help me to the bathroom, I can do the rest. Well, you will have to wipe my butt.' It was uncomfortable, to say the least. Leaning against Gerard while he –

When Jamia came home, she found them in front of the TV, in silence. It was progress, she thought. She left them to their own devices, trusting Gerard could handle him, and locked herself in her office. In that time, Gerard helped him with his physical therapy, even though Frank insisted it didn't help anything, and ran a bath for him. Frank told him he could do it by himself, and Gerard just waited outside.

Frank avoided to look at him while he helped him get dressed. He wasn't used to someone other than Jamia seeing him naked. 'Relax,' Gerard said. 'This is my job. You know how many flaccid dicks I've seen in my life?'

'What are you trying to say?!'

Gerard laughed at his reaction. 'I'm just kidding, okay? And it's not like you're gonna get a boner being with me.'

 _Of course not,_ Frank thought, why would he?

Gerard helped him back to the wheelchair, and took him outside to the backyard. 'I got some books,' he told him. 'In case you wanna read. Or if you want me to get something else for you – a video game, or –'

'It's fine. I'm fine.' But he didn't look fine.

'Can I say something?'

'You're going to anyway.'

'You seem very angry.'

Frank gave a sarcastic laugh. 'Wouldn't you be angry if you were me? If you were destined to be like this for the rest of your life?'

'You got a point.' He didn't say anything else, and Frank was grateful. People would usually try to say things to make him feel better, but they didn't understand none of that worked. So it was nice someone agreed with him. He didn't even seem to feel sorry for him.

'How was he?' Jamia asked later that night.

'Meh,' Frank replied with a shrug. 'He knows how to do his job.'

'You seemed to get along.'

'No. He just knew when to leave me alone.' Jamia smiled to herself. Frank would never admit it.

Over the next few weeks, they followed the same routine, and he'd also take him to physical therapy. They never talked, but the fact Frank let him do his job was enough to show he liked him. In the afternoons, Gerard would make him spend more time with his kids, go outside when they were in the pool, or sit with them to eat and help them with their homework.

And they could all see a change in Frank's mood. At least with his kids, he'd make an effort to hang out, and mess around, and often Gerard would find him sleeping in the couch, and one of the kids sleeping next to him, which he found adorable.

The more comfortable Frank got, the more Gerard would start taking him to the park, or to get a coffee, and they started talking more. Surprisingly, they had a lot of things in common. 'Thanks,' Frank said out of nowhere. 'For helping me.'

'Like I said, it's my job.'

'I don't mean that. I mean I was seriously considering killing myself before you got here.' Gerard wasn't expecting that confession. 'If it wasn't because I can't go to the restroom on my own, I would have done it. I was sure Jamia was going to leave me, and I have nothing else. The accident already took away my dream, and the only purpose I had in life. I can't lose anything more.'

Gerard didn't know what to say.

'So thank you, for forcing me to see what matters.' He didn't need to say another word for Gerard to understand what he meant.

'I'm glad I could be of help.'

They only started to get closer and closer, and one time, as Gerard was putting some clothes on Frank, he noticed his little friend down there going up to say hi. 'It's not what it seems,' he mumbled nervously. 'I swear.'

'I know,' Gerard assured him. 'There can actually be many causes for that, you'd be surprised.' But he couldn't help wondering.

A couple days later, he somehow convinced Frank to get in the pool. 'I'll hold you.' As promised, he wrapped his arms around him and carried him around the pool. 'See? It's fun!'

Frank laughed nervously, not letting go of Gerard. And as they reached the other side, holding tight to each other, it happened again. Frank's erection pressing hard between them.

This time, he didn't apologize.

Instead, he looked up at him for a moment, unsure of what he was thinking, and then pressed his lips against Gerard's.

He didn't know exactly what was happening. He just knew he wanted to kiss him, and now that he'd done it, he realized how great he tasted, and how good it made him feel.

Until he remembered how wrong it was. He still had a wife – who could be home from work at any moment – and his kids. Then why was he so into his nurse? 'I'm so sorry – I shouldn't have –,' Frank said as soon as he pulled away, almost letting go off him, and drowning in the process. But Gerard never let him go. 'I don't know why I did it.'

'It's fine. I won't tell her.' They didn't say anything else, and Gerard helped him out of the pool and to the bathtub, giving him his privacy. He heard him cry, but he knew he shouldn't ask. After that, Frank told him he'd go to bed, so Gerard helped him, and sat outside the door, in case he needed help.

Frank hated himself for ruining it.

Things were just as awkward in the following weeks, and Frank went back to his old depressed self. Gerard just made sure to be around at all times, and hide everything he could harm himself with. He knew there was nothing else he could do.

Jamia was more worried than ever, but every time she tried to get close, he'd ignore her. 'I don't know what else I can do, baby,' she said. 'You know I've tried everything. I thought me going back to work, and spending time on our own, and you having someone else to take care of you would help. But it hasn't.' It broke Frank's heart to hear that. 'I've noticed your progress, and how you're closer to the kids now, and you look happier when you're with them. But between us –' She reached for his hand and kissed the back of it. 'I love you so much, and I wish that was enough. But you're not happy with me anymore –'

Frank interrupted her, tears in his eyes. 'I kissed Gerard.'

Jamia didn't know how to answer to that.

She just pulled him closer into a hug, and let him cry. She'd be lying if she didn't notice how different he seemed around the new nurse. It had taken some time, but he changed him. She knew Gerard was the reason for his change, that he was the reason for him putting more effort on the kids, and he even made him take up new hobbies.

'I'm sorry,' Frank continued between sobs. 'I'm so sorry – I don't know why I did it! I ruined things for us –'

'You didn't ruin anything. Maybe I didn't make an effort to understand how you were feeling, and I don't blame you hating on everyone.' She did want to cry, even though she knew things were over a long time ago. Right now, she wanted to be there for him. It was clear he wasn't taking this whole thing well. 'Can I ask you something?' She felt him nodding against her neck. 'You like him?'

He pulled away and looked straight in her eye. 'I don't know.'

He had told her he also liked guys a long time ago, back before they even started dating. She wasn't surprised.

'It's okay if you do.' There was a long, awkward pause. 'I noticed you got along well. Maybe I was in denial because I was hoping it'd work out between us.'

'But –'

'It's fine. Sometimes relationships don't work. We can still be friends, can't we? Maybe we'll work better as friends. And I'm not telling you to go and get married to the dude, but I honestly hadn't seen you smile in so long until he came along, and I want to see you happy. So if that's what it takes.'

Frank was speechless. Jamia always seemed to know what to say. 'Why are you so perfect?'

'I haven't figure it out yet.' She kissed him. 'And I'm not leaving you, I'm not taking the kids away from you, nor am I throwing you away. We can call it a break, and get to the details later. Is that okay?'

Frank didn't know. He didn't want to break up with her, though she was right. Things weren't working anymore. And he didn't have to start anything with Gerard either, but he was free to do so, and that helped.

He pretended nothing had happened in the next few days, and when Gerard took him to the park, and they sat in front of the pond to see the ducks, he felt it was the right time. 'You know Jam and I broke up?' he said, as if it was no big deal.

'What?!'

'It's okay. She's not moving out for now. But we just don't work together anymore.'

'I'm sorry.'

'It's fine. I knew it would happen sometime, but at least we're in good terms.'

'Does she know about the –'

Frank turned to him. 'Would it matter if she does?'

'I just don't want her thinking it's my fault.'

'She wouldn't think that. It stopped working after the accident and with me being an asshole. Besides, if I remember right, I was the one who kissed you. So it's my fault.'

'Doesn't mean I didn't want to.'

That caught Frank off guard. 'Excuse –' But he didn't finish the sentence because Gerard's lips were on his, his hands cupping his face. It lasted longer than the other one, and Frank could already feel getting hard, which brought a smile to his face. Maybe being alive wasn't so bad.


	2. Look Alive, Sunshine

Frank woke up to the sun hitting his face, as Gerard opened the curtains.

'Wakey, wakey!' he said.

Frank just let out a groan, covering his face with his hands, and turned to the other side. 

'Aren't you supposed to be around at all times to help with my needs?' Frank mumbled as Gerard sat by him to take his temperature. Gerard could swear Frank was giving him a flirty look, but he decided to ignore it. 

'Medical needs, your need to go to the bathroom.' He finished taking his vitals. 'You had a good night?' Gerard asked. 

'Are you seriously asking me that?! Can't you see me suffering?'

'You're so grumpy when you wake up.' 

He pulled off the covers and helped Frank sit up, and then carried him to his chair. With his arms still around Gerard's neck, Frank pulled him in for a kiss. It was brief, barely touching lips, but it was warm. 'I like how good it makes me feel every time,' Frank says.

'So you're using me?'

'I thought you knew that already.' 

It hadn't even been a week since that day at the park, and though Frank didn't want to be so open about it yet, with Jamia being around all the time, and the kids, he couldn't help it when Gerard was so close to him. But Gerard enjoyed it too, so he leaned in for another kiss.

***

On Friday, Frank and Jamia agreed to talk to the kids and give them the news. 

They gave Gerard the night off, and Jamia cooked dinner for the family, and even cupcakes. 'Kids,' she interrupted mid dinner. 'Your dad and I have something important to tell you.' 

Frank shoot a glance at her, nervous. He wasn't ready to tell them, or what their reaction would be. Though they seemed calm. It always surprised him how mature they were. 

He was waiting for Jamia to say something, but he knew she was wanted him to say something. Shit, what was he supposed to say? 'First of all,' he started. He couldn't think of any way to say it that wasn't harsh for them. He still remembered growing up with divorced parents, and that was the last thing he wanted for his kids, but sometimes it was inevitable. 'We just want to say we love you, guys. You are the most important thing for both your mom and me.'

There was a long pause that neither of them knew how to fill. Jamia reached for Frank's hand. 'Your dad and I are breaking up.'

A long silence filled the room. The three kids just looked at them with their jaws dropped, but there was no crying, at least. Their eyes just went from Frank to Jamia and then to Frank again.

'We still love each other very much, but things aren't working,' Jamia continued.

'Are you moving out?' Miles asked Frank. 'My friend Katie's parents are divorced and her dad left the house.'

'No, no one is leaving,' Frank said. 'Not yet. We're still a family, and we need to figure out how to make this work.'

Jamia nodded.

'Is it because Mr. Gerard likes you?' Cherry asked, causing Frank to almost choke.

Jamia let out a gasp, not sure what to say, but to be honest, she was trying hard not to laugh. 'What are you talking about, Cherry?'

'I saw him this morning looking at my dad during breakfast. He was all smiley and was laughing at my dad's corny jokes.' Frank choked again. 'That's obvious! He likes you.'

'I –,' Frank tried defending himself but it was pointless. 'No, it's not because of that.' But now he couldn't stop wondering about Gerard liking him.

He had to remember why they were there. And though he knew they were young to know all the reasons, he still could tell them at least some of the truth. 'It's more complicated. Sometimes relationships don't work between two people. And you know what happened with daddy? Ever since then, I've been an asshole –' He realized what he had said too late, but that wasn't the point. 'I apologize for everything.' He felt the tears rolling down. 'I fell awful, and took it all out on you. And your mother is a saint, and she put up with me for the longest time, but she doesn't deserve this.' When the sobbing started, they all ran and hugged Frank. 

'We love you, daddy,' Lily said. 

***

The following morning, as Frank was taking a nap before lunch, the three children approached Gerard while he was reading in the living room. 'Hi!' Lily said, sitting next to him, followed by her siblings. 

'What's up?' He knew it was weird that they'd approach him out of nowhere. 

'Nothing,' Cherry replied. 'We just had a question.'

'Okay, shoot.'

'You like my dad?'

Gerard had almost the same reaction. 'What?'

'We saw the way you looked at him during breakfast,' she continued. 

'And before school the other day,' Miles added. 

'It's okay,' Cherry said. 'I think my dad likes you, too.'

'Oh, really?'

'Yeah, when we mentioned your name, he smiled. He almost never smiles anymore unless your around.'

'Oh.'

They didn't say anything for a while, and then Lily asked, 'You're doing anything tonight?'

'Helping your dad to bed, as usual.' 

'Okay... we're planning a date for you and dad. So be ready at eight.' And then, they were off.

A second later, Jamia joined him on the couch. 'I wonder what they're doing,' she said looking at her children. 'Sometimes I wonder where they got it from.'

Gerard still felt uncomfortable around her. She was still sort of his boss, and there he was, kissing her husband. Yeah, they weren't together anymore, but still. 'It's cool.'

'Tell me they didn't say anything uncomfortable.'

'No – they just –'

Then Jamia realized. 'Oh – god. They told you about Frank, right?'

'What about Frank?'

Oh, shit, now Jamia didn't know what to say. 'Nothing. We just told them about us breaking up.'

'So it's official, huh?'

'For now, yeah.' Silence. 'I know about you two, by the way. I'm not blind.'

Shit.

Shit.

Gerard was starting to kiss his job goodbye. 'I'm happy for him,' Jamia continued. 

What? 'I –' That just made it even more uncomfortable. 

'Relax. We're not going to fire you. He cares a lot about you, and I care about him even more. He needs you!'

Gerard didn't know what to say, so he just nodded. 'Thank you.'

Jamia got up, he needed time to process the information. 'Good luck on your date, by the way.'


	3. The Only Hope For Me is You

‘Dad, I’m scared,’ Miles said, cuddling next to Frank. The kids convinced him to have a movie night in the basement, and they built a fort, and Jamia made dinner for them.

‘You’re scared?! Beetlejuice isn’t scary!’ Frank said.

‘Lydia is goals,’ Cherry said.

 _That’s my girl,_ Frank thought, smiling to himself.

‘I’m not sure about this,’ Gerard said. He was pacing around the kitchen, while Jamia served dinner. ‘Isn’t it weird for you?’

‘I’m not going to lie, it is.’ She paused, taking the tray and heading to the basement door. ‘But I love him so much and I want him happy, and if that means you in his life –’

‘This is too weird,’ he repeated.

‘Stop it before I regret it. Now I have to take this downstairs, wait a couple minutes until the kids come upstairs, and then you go.’ Gerard nodded. ‘You’re going to do great.’

‘Again, it’s just cringy that you’re helping me get it on with your husband.’

‘Ew.’ Jamia went downstairs, trying not to think about that, and set the tray in the coffee table. ‘How’s movie night? Having fun?’

‘Yeah!’ Lily and Cherry said in unison.

‘Thanks,’ Frank said, barely looked up from the TV, and didn’t even notice there were only two plates of pasta on the tray instead of four.

‘I’m gonna go pee,’ Miles yelled, and ran upstairs.

‘Bathroom break!’ Lily yelled running behind him, with Cherry not so far away.

Jamia leaned in to kiss Frank’s forehead. ‘Thanks for spending some time with the kids,’ she said. ‘You’re so good at being their dad.’

Frank took her hand and kissed it, wishing everything was different. ‘Thanks for putting up with me.’

She went back upstairs, and a second later, the door opened again, and Frank heard someone coming down the stairs. ‘It was about time!’ he said. ‘I was waiting for you!’

‘Oh really?’ It wasn’t any of the kids. When he turned around, he saw Gerard standing by the stairs, holding two glasses of wine. He was wearing a stupid green shirt with paint stains, though Frank was sure he bought it like that.

‘I –’ he didn’t even know what to say.

‘It was your kids’ idea,’ Gerard admitted, nervous. ‘But if you’re against it, I can go back upstairs.’

Frank shook his head, and patted on the couch to invite him to sit down, which Gerard did. ‘What do you wanna watch?’ It was very awkward, despite them having shared many kisses already.

‘Whatever. I don’t mind.’

‘It’s our first date. Of course it matters,’ Frank said with a smile, surprising Gerard.

‘You have Rocky Horror?’

‘Duh.’ He made Gerard find the DVD in his collection and then they sat down, eating pasta, and singing to There’s a Light. ‘So, it was the kids’ idea, huh?’ he asked.

Gerard nodded. ‘They came to me saying they knew we liked each other, and that they were organizing a date for us.’

Frank couldn’t help laughing. ‘They’re really mature about it.’

‘They are.’

‘I feel they’re taking it better than me.’ He reached for Gerard’s hand. ‘I still don’t know how to do this. Especially not when I’m stuck here, and Jamia’s here, and the kids.’

‘I get it. She pretty much encouraged this whole idea. And told me if me being involved in your life made you happy, she was okay with it.’

‘Did she?’

‘And she made the pasta.’

Frank laughed, staring at their hands, their fingers interlaced together as if it was the most beautiful thing ever, letting a smile show in his face. ‘So – you like me, huh?’ Frank asked.

‘I do. Do you?’

Frank nodded and leaned in, closing the brief space that separated them to kiss his lips. He made sure to pay special attention to his lower lip, biting it and pulling it.

The feeling in his stomach when he made Gerard moan reminded him of being young and his first kiss. Everything felt new with him. Their sweaty hands, and laughing at everything each other said. Gerard’s breath near him when he leaned for another kiss.

They didn’t even notice when the movie was over because they were talking about nonsense, kissing each other at every opportunity.

Soon, Gerard noticed Frank was already snoring, his head on his shoulder in the most uncomfortable position. ‘C’mon, Frank. Let’s go to bed.’ He carried him in his arms, heading upstairs, reminding himself it was still his job to get him to bed.

At least he was still in his pajamas, because he just had to help him to bed, tuck him in, and give him his last dose of meds of the day.

As he made his way out of the room, he heard Frank behind him. ‘Stay with me.’

He didn’t have to say another word for Gerard to take off his shirt and jeans and lie next to   
Frank, wrapping an arm around him as they both fell asleep immediately.


	4. I Hate My Weaknesses, They Make Me Who I Am

Gerard’s alarm went off at six thirty.

He hadn’t slept that good in years.

‘Make it shut the fuck up!’ a voice said next to him, and only then he remembered he slept in Frank’s bed. _Fuck._

Nothing happened. He didn’t drink that much. But only then he realized this was serious.

He was still his patient. He still worked for him. This was unprofessional. He should have never let Frank kissed him, not the first time, not the other times. He shouldn’t have accepted to go on a date with him. This was wrong.

But he already had feelings for him.

He ran his fingers down his back, down the long scar that covered Frank’s skin. It felt different now that he was just the dude he was kinda dating and not his nurse. He traced his tattoos, and kissed his shoulders. He had this sudden need to love every inch of his body, and make Frank feel it.

He still didn’t know exactly what or what Frank _couldn’t_ feel, what hurt and what didn’t. So he had to be careful.

He caressed the sides of his stomach, as he planted a kiss on his neck that transformed into a bite, making Frank moan a little, and reach for his hand. ‘It’s too early for that,’ Frank said.

‘You’re right,’ Frank whispered in his ear.

‘That doesn’t mean we’re not trying it later.’

Gerard liked the sound of that. ‘Fine. I’ll go take a shower, you can have ten more minutes to sleep.’

When he came out, he helped Frank out of bed, and put on pants on him.

‘Why am I wearing this?’ Frank asked. He usually wore sweatpants, so what now.

‘You have a doctor’s appointment.’

‘Ugh.’ Frank hated going to the doctor. They always said the same thing. He was never going to recover, and his legs were atrophied. Among other stuff. So what was the point?

That only depressed him.

But he had no choice. Other people took decisions for him now.

The nurse took his vitals, and they ran tests on him. Gerard gave the doctor all the information he had, and they were talking in his office for a long time, while Frank just waited in the examination room.

Gerard got him in the van, and noticed he looked angry. ‘You’re going to get better, okay?’

Frank wished he could at least fake a smile or nod, but he couldn’t.

On their way back home, Gerard kept checking on him through the rear view mirror, and saw him biting his nails and wiping off his tears. ‘Hey, Frank,’ he said, getting his attention. ‘Let’s go for lunch. Shall we?’ Frank didn’t answer. ‘What do you think about a little date?’

That made Frank smile.

***

It was their first date out of the house, and away from Frank’s family, so that was good. It made Frank nervous and excited.

Gerard found a small café nearby that had veggie options.

Unfortunately, it wasn’t very disabled friendly and the chair didn’t even fit the door. But Frank didn’t want to ruin it. ‘Fuck it,’ he said. ‘Just carry me inside and fold the chair to get it in.’

He was used to this.

He hated it, but he was getting used to it.

Gerard pulled him up and carried him inside, leaving him in one of the chairs in the waiting area. They were getting looks, and if there was something Frank hated more than businesses that weren’t handicap friendly, it was people looking at him.

But he didn’t say anything. The last thing he wanted was to throw a scene before his first official date.

When Gerard came in with his chair, he helped him to get back in it, and asked the host for a table for two. They followed her to a table nearby – the only one adept for a wheelchair –. They took their order, and while they waited for their book, Frank pulled Gerard by the shirt and stole a kiss from him, just because.

He was nervous as hell.

He noticed an old couple giving them looks, so he kissed Gerard again, this time pushing in his tongue.

Even though there were a lot of people staring at them – he wasn’t sure if it was the chair or seeing two dudes kissing – but Frank didn’t care. He felt free not being around his wife while he kissed his – nurse? Boyfriend? Fuck, they’d have to talk about that at some point.

But not right now.

He had already forgotten about the doctor appointment, and all he wanted was to kiss Gerard until their lips fell off.

They talked for hours, getting to know each other. Growing up, their parents, Frank’s career and Gerard’s experiences as a nurse. Gerard laughed at Frank’s dry humor, making fun of himself and what happened to him. Frank laughed at literally everything Gerard said. He was blushing, and he wasn’t even drinking. He had the biggest crush.

***

When they made it back home, they were still laughing at everything, but tried to keep it down because the kids were home too, and it was still weird.

Frank sat with them to help with homework, and then to watch TV, all three kids and Lois cuddled around him, and Gerard couldn’t help smiling at the scene in front of him.

‘Where were you guys?’ Jamia asked him out of nowhere.

‘Frank had a doctor appointment,’ he said, but she didn’t bought it. ‘Okay, we went on a little date afterwards.’ He hoped to God he wasn’t blushing, but it was too late.

‘Aww, that’s so sweet! You should have told me! You could have taken the entire day.’

‘No, Frank wanted to come home to be with the kids.’ That was true, and Gerard thought that was the sweetest thing ever.

***

Later that night, Frank asked him to stay with him again.

It seemed Gerard was waiting for him to ask, because he didn’t even hesitate to take off his shirt.

They didn’t go to sleep right away, though. They made out for a while, Gerard on top of Frank, their tongues playing with each other, kissing each other to sleep.

But it didn’t last long. Gerard woke up to Frank crying in pain, sweating. He had to help him to the bathroom to throw up, and gave him painkillers. He gave him a massage, and put him to bed again. ‘Has this happened before?’ Gerard asked, making sure he was okay. Frank nodded. ‘Is this an every day thing?’ He shook his head. ‘How often?’

‘A lot. Almost every other night.’

‘Why didn’t you tell me?’

‘I didn’t want to worry you. And I didn’t want you to pity me.’

Gerard didn’t pity him. But he knew exactly what he meant.

Frank continued. ‘You’re the only one who treats me like an actual person not a cripple. And I don’t want that to change.’

‘It won’t change. But I need you to tell me, okay?’

‘Okay.’ He took Gerard’s hand. ‘Can you stay with me?’

‘I will.’


	5. I'm Still Alive and it's All Your Fault

It was one of those weird days when Frank was in a good mood. He didn’t know exactly why. It could be waking up next to Gerard, how he took care of him, his arms around him.

Frank almost never felt like doing anything, especially not for himself. He had lost all will. He had given up. But today, for some reason, he tried to sit up by himself while Gerard was in the shower, and sat there in pain, getting the courage to get himself in his chair, until Gerard got out in time.

‘Frank!’ he said. ‘Are you –?’ He was a little worried.

‘I’m fine, I just –’ Frank could feel tears forming, the frustration building inside him, but he didn’t want his day ruined so early. He wanted to try, for Gerard. ‘I’m fine.’

Gerard ran to his side, running his hand on his back. ‘You’re doing great. I’m proud of you.’

‘Thank you.’ It was so hard to hold in the tears with him text to him. ‘Can you help me get on my chair?’

‘Of course.’ He kissed his forehead, and carried him to the chair. ‘Are you planning on wearing a shirt or you’re going out like that?’

‘And having you drooling in front of my children? No, thanks.’ Without waiting for Gerard to help him, Frank went to the dresser to look for a shirt and put it on, while Gerard looked at him, in awe of this new attitude. ‘I was thinking about making breakfast?’ Frank said, sounding more as a question.

Gerard couldn’t help but smile. ‘Sure, what are you thinking?’

‘I don’t know, but I may need help in the kitchen.’ Frank hadn’t really been in the kitchen since before the accident, and just now realized how hard it was to move around in the wheelchair, so he had to ask Gerard to get him everything, and it ended up being a team effort.

‘Well, these pancakes look delicious!’ Gerard said, wiping off the batter on Frank’s face. ‘And I like seeing you in a good mood.’ Frank smiled. ‘To what do we owe it?’

‘You. You make me happy,’ he said, pulling him by the shirt and pressing his lips against his nurse’s in a wet kiss, completely forgetting his kids could come out running any second.

Luckily Jamia saw them first. ‘Good morning,’ she said fake coughing, pretending it was not awkward to see her husband kissing someone else.

Frank pulled away, embarrassed. ‘Hey –,’ he said. He was uncomfortable as hell, and wished there was another way to be with Gerard. ‘Sorry, we were just – I wanted to make breakfast for the kids, and he was helping me.’

‘Well, that’s nice of you! I’m sure they’ll be happy to see their dad made them pancakes,’ she said.

He smiled, wanting to thank her for her patience and support, and for bringing Gerard into his life and letting them be together, but he couldn’t say a word. And just then, the three kids were running down the hallway. ‘Mom! Miles took my markers!’ Lily cried.

‘Hey, sit down! Dad has a surprise for you!’ Jamia told them, and the three kids turn to them, surprised to see Frank in the kitchen.

‘Who wants banana pancakes?’ he said. He served them a stack each, and Gerard helped him with the plates.

‘Thank you, dad!’ they all said, excited.

‘Well, Gerard helped too.’

‘Thank you, Dad’s boyfriend,’ Miles said, taking a bite, and Frank just went back to the kitchen, embarrassed.

While Jamia took them to school, Gerard and Frank watched TV and talked. It felt like they had to use these moments to be intimate, when it was just them. ‘Don’t you wish we didn’t have to live with my family and it could be just us sometimes, and we could be like this all day?’ Frank asked out of nowhere.

Gerard knew exactly what he meant. It was weird no matter how many times Jamia said it was fine. ‘Yeah, but it’s your family –’

‘I know.’ He was resting his head on Gerard’s lap, their hands locked and resting on Frank’s chest. ‘And I don’t want to leave my kids or give Jam the whole responsibility for them. But at the same time I wish I could kiss you any time I want without worrying about my wife – I mean, we’re still married! And I know it’ll have to happen, but the thought of divorcing her is awful!’

‘I know.’

‘I’m sorry for making your job so difficult,’ he said.

‘What do you mean?’ Gerard was surprised to hear him apologize.

‘I’m an asshole. You don’t have to lie. And then I kissed you. I shouldn’t have. I’m putting your job at risk. And sometimes it feels like you’re only doing this to make me happy, which I don’t deserve.’

‘Hey – stop that! No one is here out of pity! I knew it was unprofessional of me to kiss my patient, and falling in love with him, and letting –’

‘Did you just say _fall in love?’_ Frank yelled, confused, and sit up with the help of his arms, just like he had done earlier. ‘Gerard, did you just say you’re falling in love with me?’

‘Isn’t it obvious?’ Gerard replied, nervous. ‘I know I shouldn’t have, but you’re so –’

But he didn’t finish saying what he was going to say because then Frank’s warm lips were on his and there were fireworks inside. ‘I’m so what?’

‘Huh?’

‘You were going to say something.’

‘I forgot.’ And they were kissing again. 

All through the day, Frank tried to move around the house, help with whatever he could, and learn to do things on his own, instead of waiting for someone else to do it for him. He was happy and excited for once, and didn’t want to waste his day.

They sat outside to read while the kids were in the pool, and Frank told Gerard to sit on his lap. ‘Are you crazy?’ Gerard asked. ‘I’m heavy.’

‘In fact, yes. And it’s not like it’s going to hurt.’

‘But they’ll see us.’

‘They set us up on a date! And we’re not doing anything,’ Frank kept insisting, and Gerard had no choice. ‘Okay, you’re right. You’re heavy.’ But he stayed there for a while, and it fell right.

Gerard helped him to the bathtub, and Frank asked him to stay there with him. When he carried him to his chair, holding him by the waist so they were both looking at each other, eye to eye, Frank could feel himself getting hard, and he couldn’t stop himself from putting his arms around his neck and going for a kiss, full on tongue pushing inside and biting on his lips. It felt good. He wanted to stay like that forever.

‘I like this,’ Frank said, and then his lips were back on Gerard’s.

Without a word, Gerard took him straight to bed, putting him down, all wet, not breaking the kiss. Frank pulled him, his hands going down his shirt, and taking it off.

‘I don’t know how to do this,’ Gerard whispered when he was just in his underwear. Did he even feel anything down there?

‘Me neither. But let’s not think about it, okay? Let’s just do it.’

Gerard nodded, and took off his boxers, showing his erection. Frank looked at him, nervous. Excited. ‘You tell me where it hurts and where it feels good, okay?’ Frank nodded again, and Gerard started kissing every inch of him, seeing whether or not Frank was enjoying it. He was glad when he kissed his thighs and heard him moaning, and he got even louder when his mouth got to his member. He discovered his entrance was especially sensitive, so he focused on that. He just wanted him to feel good.

He had him coming just with his fingers and sucking his tip, but realized how much Frank needed it. He was sweating and gasping afterwards, and Gerard pulled him in his arms. ‘I love you,’ Frank said, almost crying.

‘I love you, too.’

After that, they just cuddled next to each other. Frank felt good not thinking about pain or dying, and he knew it was all Gerard’s fault. ‘You make me want to get better,’ he said. ‘I want to get better.’


	6. The Resurrectionist, or an Existential Crisis in C#

‘Are you sure about this?’ Gerard asked. They were outside the building the doctor had sent them to. ‘You don’t have to do it, if you don’t want to.’

‘I told you already.’

‘I just don’t want you to be uncomfortable.’

‘I’m not. I really want to get better.’

Gerard had called the therapist ahead to make an appointment, and when they walked in, the receptionist seemed to be waiting for them. ‘Take a seat, Dr. Roberts will be with you shortly,’ she said.

‘Well, already did,’ Frank said under his breath, and went to the corner, followed by Gerard, who tried not to laugh.

‘Are you nervous?’ he asked.

‘You mean, am I nervous about physical therapy, months after I quit, not sure if it’s going to help one bit? Why would I?’

Gerard loved his sarcasm, and how he always found humor in his tragedies. And how he was smiling more lately. He liked to think he was responsible for that. ‘You’ll do just fine.’

‘I don’t know.’ Frank went from making jokes to being insecure and anxious in two seconds. Gerard took his hand, reminding him that he was not alone, and that they were doing it together.

‘Good morning, Mr. Iero,’ Dr. Roberts said, approaching, and they quickly let go of each other’s hands, without thinking twice. ‘Nice to meet you. I’m Dr. Philip Roberts.’

‘Frank,’ he said. ‘This is Gerard. He’s my – nurse.’

‘Nice to meet you,’ Gerard continued, knowing he was blushing.

‘Shall we?’ They followed him to his office at the end of the corridor, and Dr. Roberts told them his doctor sent him his files, and the results of his last tests.

‘Is there any hope?’ Frank asked. ‘Do I have a chance to walk again?’

There was a long silence, and Frank did his best not to cry. Gerard reached for his hand, and held it, hiding behind the desk. ‘Look,’ Dr. Roberts said. ‘I don’t want to lie to you. The chances are not that great. But it’s not impossible.’

That was all Frank needed.

They had told him it was a miracle he survived, even though he wasn’t sure that was good news.

Dr. Roberts showed them the X-Rays, and told them where the injury was, and what was the plan with his therapy. Three hours once a week, and with the help of Gerard he could do more exercises at home. ‘So – what do you say? You’re in?’

‘I’m in.’

With the help of a nurse, he was taken to an examination room, where they took more tests, and checked his reflex response, took notes of everything. ‘When do you want to start?’

‘As soon as possible,’ Frank said as Gerard helped him back in the chair.

‘Is tomorrow okay? We have a last minute opening.’

‘Yeah.’

After a long night of not sleeping and Frank being anxious, they were up at six in the morning, and off to the rehab center. Gerard stopped for coffee on their way.

Frank would be excited about it, though he would never admit it, if it wasn’t for the fact it was too early to be awake, let alone, doing any physical activity.

The nurse too them to the locker room, and Gerard helped him into his shorts. ‘You’ll get better, I know it,’ he said. ‘You’re too stubborn to give up.’

Frank faked a smiled, biting his tongue to avoid mentioning he had given up once, not long ago, and that he could still not get better. But he refused to lose hope so soon.

Gerard took him to the main room, which was full of mats and balls of all sizes, among other equipment, and one of the therapists helped Frank lie on a mat. Gerard just stood nearby, watching what they were doing. The therapists pushed one of his legs up, and then back down, and then back up. Gerard tried not to think how that looked similar to what they were doing the night before, and by the blush on Frank’s face, he knew he was thinking the same thing.

At some point, it got painful. ‘Gee,’ Frank called, and Gerard ran to sit next to him and hold his hand. ‘Now it’s better. Keep going,’ he said to the therapist.

It went slow, since it was the first day, mostly exercises to see what had to be done.

And yet, Frank was beat by the end of it, and didn’t even want to change back into his clothes. ‘How did it feel?’

‘Painful?’

‘But it’ll be worth it.’

‘It better.’

When they made it home, Gerard took him straight to the bathtub, and then to the living room, where the kids were waiting for him to watch a movie. ‘Addams Family?’ he asked, and the kids cheered because that was a favorite.

Jamia had ordered pizza, as a reward for Frank being back in therapy.

Gerard got up, to do his own thing. He had to do laundry and do some calls. But he didn’t get that far. ‘Mr. Gerard,’ Lily said. ‘You can stay too. You’re part of the family.’

Frank and Gerard shared a look, smiling at each other. ‘C’mon!’ The nurse sat by his boyfriend, and they held hands as the movie started. Soon Miles snuggled next to him. Gerard did his best not to tear up at the sight of his new family.

Jamia sat by the end of the couch, just smiling at the scene, and Frank mouthed a _thank you_ to her. He had never been that happy.


	7. Yeah, It's Cool, I'll Be Okay

‘Good morning,’ Gerard said, playing with Frank’s hair, trying to wake him up.

Frank mumbled something, and cuddled closer to Gerard.

‘Remember we promised to take the kids to school?’

‘I know,’ Frank said against Gerard’s neck. ‘Just let me enjoy this, okay?’

To be fair, Gerard was enjoying the moment too. And if being with him, meant that Frank was going to try his best to get better, then it was even better.

Once Frank finally let him go, he took a shower, and when he got out, Frank was already getting on his chair. Gerard couldn’t help being proud of him.

He helped him change into a clean t-shirt and jeans, but noticed the bulge in his underwear. ‘You need help with that?’ Gerard asked, pointing at the other man’s erection.

Frank laughed. ‘You looked all hot coming out of the shower – I couldn’t help it.’

‘Fine.’ And then, Gerard got on his knees in front of him, and started to suck him off.

When they finally walked out of the room, laughing and still recovering their breath, the kids were waiting for them.

‘Hurry up! We’re gonna be late!!’ Cherry said.

They headed out behind the kids, and as they approached the wheelchair accessible van, Frank stopped Gerard. ‘Can we just – take the other van–’

He didn’t need to finish for Gerard to understand. He didn’t want to get any attention being in a wheelchair, and possibly make it hard for his kids. He just wanted to be a normal dad who took his kids to school. Gerard carried him to the passenger seat of the family van, and put the wheelchair in the trunk, while the kids got in.

Frank smiled at Gerard, a little nervous. ‘It feels weird to sit in the front again, and not back there.’

On their way to school, the kids told them about their science projects and that they had movie day in Mrs. Garcia’s class. Miles read them a story he wrote the night before.

And Frank smiled to himself, proud of his kids.

They dropped them off, Frank holding in the tears. He couldn’t believe he missed something as simple as taking his kids to school, which he hadn’t done since before the accident.

‘Wanna go for a coffee?’ Gerard asked in an attempt to distract him, and Frank knew that. So he just smiled and nodded.

At home, Frank asked him to help him around the house. He wanted to be more independent, learn to do simple stuff by himself, like cooking and taking the dogs outside. He knew there were things he’d still need help with, but it was a start.

‘I’m gonna get better one day,’ he said, trying to convince himself.

‘I know you will.’

Gerard also helped him with the exercises and warm ups, though they always ended up in them making out on the floor.

Sometimes Frank would cook, sometimes Gerard.

Jamia would come home with the kids, and they’d all have dinner like a big family.

On Saturdays, Gerard would take Frank to physical therapy, and he’d sit by his side the whole time, sometimes holding his hand for support. ‘You can do this,’ Gerard said, as they attached Frank’s harness to the treadmill. The therapist had to help him with his feet, because they wouldn’t do what they were supposed to, and it hurt like hell, but having Gerard right there, imagining one day he could be walking next to him, was encouragement enough.

When they took off the harness, Gerard took him in his arms, and he let him sob for a while. ‘You did great,’ he told him.

‘Then, why doesn’t it feel like I’ve improved?’

‘It takes time, Frank. But you’ll get better.’

He fell asleep in the passenger seat as soon as they drove away – he insisted on using Gerard’s car whenever they went out – and slept through the night.

It always took him a couple days to recover from the soreness, but Gerard was always there with an ice pack and painkillers. And they would always cuddle and watch movies all day until he felt better.

‘I’m impressed with how easy you make it seem,’ Jamia said when Gerard ran into her in the kitchen.

‘I’m just – he’s not the first patient I’ve dealt with.’

‘Except he’s not your patient anymore.’

‘Yeah, but I’m trained to understand him, to help him.’

‘I guess.’ There was a long silence. ‘Though I’m sure it helps that you guys are –’

Gerard blushed at her insinuation, and they both laughed. Yeah, maybe he thought. 

‘Hey –,’ she said before heading back to her room. ‘Can I just talk to him for a little bit?’ Gerard nodded, and Jamia went to the living room and sat next to Frank. ‘Hi.’

He seemed surprised to see her there. ‘Hey.’ They hadn’t really talked lately, other than stuff about their kids’ school.

‘So – I wanted to talk.’ He knew what she meant. And he’d been thinking about it too, but it was a relief she was the one doing it, cause he wasn’t ready. He just nodded, and waited for the news he already knew were coming.

‘I think it’s time we get the divorce,’ she said it without even thinking about it. Though she had been thinking about it this for the longest time. She knew it was for the best. Unless they were in some kind of weird arrangement, it was weird to see his husband make out with someone else. And she knew it was weird for them too.

He nodded, not sure what to say. She was right. And if she hadn’t said it, he would have to at some point. He had already started looking for wheelchair friendly apartments, but he hadn’t told anyone.

‘Don’t worry,’ she continued. ‘I’ll move in with my mom. She lives close by, and the kids don’t have to change schools, and they can come here whenever they want. Besides you still have all your guitars and all your shit here. And all the accommodations we made so you could move around the house.’ She was crying by now, but not as much as him. ‘This is _your_ house. You bought it. You deserve to stay here.’

Frank shook his head, because now that he thought about it, he didn’t want her to leave. Or the kids. He tried to say something but the words wouldn’t come out.

‘You have Gerard now,’ she said. ‘You’re not alone. And that’s why I’m doing it. Because I see your face when you're him. You shine. And I want you to have that, I don’t want to make it uncomfortable for you.’

No one said anything for a while. Frank rested his head in her shoulder, and took her hand. ‘I love you. Just like the day we met,’ he said.

‘I know. And me too. But sometimes things don’t work out. And if he makes you happy, go ahead.’


	8. I Don't Wanna Hurt No More

‘I don’t want them to go,’ Frank said. The kids were playing in the pool, while Gerard and him watched them. ‘This is their house. Jamia’s too. And I don’t want them to go.’

Gerard didn’t know what to do or say. He knew this was between him and Jamia, though she was right. It wasn’t exactly healthy to still live together even though they were getting divorced, but he wasn’t going to tell him.

Frank continued. ‘The last thing I wanted was for my kids to have divorced parents like me. It wasn’t exactly fun to go from house to house growing up.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’ just –’ He was starting to break down, after a couple months of the last time he did. Gerard hated to see him like that again. He thought those days were over. ‘I don’t know what to do without them. I already lost everything else. I don’t want to lose them too.’

That broke Gerard’s heart. He wished he could do something, fix him back, even if that included never having met him. He wanted to tell him he was sorry, but Frank just went back inside the house, Lois following him. 

Gerard cursed himself. ‘Kids!’ he yelled. ‘C’mon, I need to check on your dad. I can’t let you out here on your own.’ Fortunately enough, the three of them got out of the pool and got dried before getting in. in the meantime, Gerard looked for Frank. ‘Hey, you –’ When he opened the door to his room, he found him on the floor crying. ‘Frank! Are you okay?’

‘Does it look like I’m okay?!’ he yelled, more frustrated than anything.

Gerard ran to his rescue, moving the wheelchair away so he could help him, but Frank pushed him away. ‘Leave me alone! I don’t need you!’

He had no choice but to do as Frank said.

‘It’s all your fault! I was better before you showed up, I had a family!’

There was no point in saying anything, he just let him cry. The nurse knew he didn’t mean it, he was just angry and sad, and he completely understood why. He knew it wasn’t his fault. Jamia and him had problems way before he started working for him. He even felt sometimes that Frank wasn’t really in love with him, that he was just lonely and Gerard was the first person besides Jamia to treat him like a real person in a while. But it was too late for Gerard, because he for sure was in love with him.

So in love that he was willing to put his pride aside and help him even if he just blamed him for destroying his already broken marriage. ‘It’s okay,’ he said, sitting next to Frank and pulling him closer to comfort him. ‘If you want me to go, I’ll go. If that’s what you think is going to fix this, I’ll do it. I’ll do anything it takes to make you happy. So just say it.’

‘Don’t go, please!’ Frank cried in his shoulder, hugging him tighter.

‘I won’t then. And I’m really sorry they have to go. I know it’s hard.’

Frank was thankful that Gerard always made him feel valid, like he wasn’t crazy for how he felt.

‘I’m still here, okay. You’re not alone.’

‘I know.’

‘Let’s go take a bath and make dinner for them,’ Gerard said, hoping that would help.

‘Okay.’

***

They cooked a broccoli soup and veggie burgers, and watched Tim Burton movies, the kids all cuddled up with their dad, obviously sad about leaving too.

They started moving out the next day. Jamia was taking mostly their personal items, since they didn’t have a lot of space for everything in her mom’s house. The kids weren’t excited about sharing a room, but Frank did his best to convince them it was only for a while. ‘Your mom has to find the perfect house first, okay?’

‘But this was the perfect house,’ Miles said.

‘I know, and this will still be your home.’ He was trying not to cry, but it was all for nothing. ‘You can come anytime you want. You’ll be only a couple blocks away. Text me and I’ll send Gerard to pick you up. And you can stay here all weekend.’ He wanted to tell Jamia that he could keep them. It wasn’t like he had anything to do. But he knew she could take better care of them.

They finished moving out their stuff by Sunday, and left that same day so the kids could be ready for school the next morning. Frank didn’t even want to say goodbye, knowing he’d see them the following weekend, and it was already too painful.

‘It’s too quiet without them,’ he said while they were watching movies later that night, Gerard’s arm around his shoulder.

‘I know.’

There was silence again, and Gerard could swear he heard him quietly sobbing.

He had to do something.

‘You know what we need?’ he asked, already getting up. ‘Music.’ He put on one of Frank’s records. ‘C’mon, dance with me.’

‘But how?’

Gerard got closer, and with his arms around Frank’s waist, he pulled him off the couch, and carried him to the center of the living room. He was heavy, but he didn’t mind. He held him close, Frank’s feet hanging above the floor, and span him around. ‘See? You can dance.’

Frank kept his arms around Gee’s neck, their foreheads against each other, smiling the whole time. When a slower song came on, they just hugged.

‘Thank you,’ Frank said.

Gerard got tired soon after, and sat him back on the couch, not without Frank pulling him on top of him, and pressing their lips together. ‘Shall we make more babies?’ Frank joked. ‘Fill the house with more kids so it’s never quiet.’

‘Babe, I don’t know if you know this, but we _can’t_ have babies.’

‘Shit! We can at least try some baby-making.’

‘I guess.’


	9. I'm Scared I'm Fine

‘Good morning, babe,’ Gerard said, waking Frank up.

‘Where are we going?’ he mumbled in his sleep, knowing his boyfriend slash nurse would always let him sleep as long as he wanted.

‘Physical therapy.’

‘But it’s Wednesday.’

‘I know, but I managed to change your session so you can have all of Saturday with the kids.’

Frank’s face went from annoyed to emotional in less than a second, and as Gerard helped him up, Frank wrapped him in a hug. ‘Thank you.’

They stayed like that for a minute, before Gerard pulled apart. ‘Now – you need help, or can you get ready by yourself?’

‘I think I can do it.’ He pushed himself off the bed using his arms and got himself in the chair, a tiny proud smile on his face. He went to his drawers and got a T-shirt and sweatpants. He quickly changed shirt, but the pants were proving a little more difficult, and he was getting frustrated.

‘It’s okay,’ Gerard assured him, and ran to help him. ‘You did great. There’s nothing wrong with needing help once in a while.’

Frank nodded, holding in the tears. His pride was bigger than him sometimes, and he hated having to depend on someone.

As Gerard pulled off his pants, he kissed each and every one of his tattoos and massaged his thighs. Frank smiled at the gesture, wishing his kisses could fix him. ‘Ugh,’ Gerard muttered. ‘I hate that we don’t have enough time cause I swear I would fuck you so good right now.’

Frank laughed. ‘It’s the power of my legs, what can I say? I may not be able to move them, but they turn you into a horny mess.’

‘You know me.’ He put on the sweatpants on Frank, and then his sneakers, and then pushed him out the room. They made coffee, and got themselves some cereal, before heading out.

Gerard carried him to the passenger seat of his car, and let him play with his stereo until he found something decent. ‘Your car is so old, dude,’ Frank said.

‘I don’t really need a new model. I like this.’

‘But it doesn’t even have Bluetooth! How am I supposed to connect it to my phone?’

‘Maybe you can just listen to the radio like when you were a teenager.’

‘I guess.’

They didn’t say much else, and when they made it to the rehab center, they went straight to the therapy room. Frank went through the warm-up exercises, and then a whole hour in the pool, pulled by a harness. He was already exhausted by then, but he still had to see Dr. Holly. She wanted to do a checkup, and have him walk on the treadmill. He knew it was routine, that there was no progress, but he had no way out of it.

They attach him to the harness, and get him on the treadmill, one therapist on each side to help him with each of his legs. He heard Gerard giving him words of encouragement.

And when he was almost done, and the therapists were letting go of his legs, he felt it. His leg actually went up a bit and took a step, all on his own.

He looked up, aware of what had just happened, and saw that everyone looked at him, surprised. But mostly proud. And Gerard was there, tears in his eyes, cheering him on.

In the meantime, Frank just started sobbing, and Gerard ran to him and held him as the took off the harness. ‘You’re doing so good,’ he whispered in his ear, and then Frank kissed him.

‘I love you,’ he said.

‘I love you, too.’

***

After a bath and a nap, Frank was feeling better.

He helped Gerard with dinner, and they fucked in the couch. ‘I think our home exercises are working then,’ Gerard joked, and they both laughed. ‘But seriously, I’m so proud of you. I know you’re going to get better.’

‘You really think so?’

‘I’m sure.’

Over the next couple days, Frank tried to help more around the house, as much as he could, and discovered he liked cooking, something he hadn’t tried a lot. So he started cooking more.

On Friday, they picked up the kids from Jamia’s mom’s house. They seemed excited to see their dad, and told them everything they’ve done, and about their room, and their grandma.

Frank made them pizza and they watched movies and had a sleepover in the basement. ‘I love my little family,’ he told Gerard once they had fallen asleep.

‘Me too.’

They weekend went by fast. They had taken them to the park and spent most of Sunday in the pool, Frank and Gerard included. Then they made dinner and took the kids back to Jamia. ‘Hey, guys, don’t run!’ she said as Cherry, Lily and Miles got off the van. ‘Go inside and get ready for bed. I’m gonna talk to your dad.’

‘Hey,’ Frank said with the biggest smile when she approached. He missed her a lot. They’d been together for almost half his life, it wasn’t going to be easy.

‘How are you?’

‘I’m good.’ And for once, he meant it.

‘It’s good to see you.’

‘It’s good to see you, too,’ he said, and he could swear she was about to cry. It still hurt their marriage had to end. Yes, he had Gerard now, and he couldn’t be happier, but he didn’t want to hurt Jamia. He sometimes wished things were different.

Back at home, they went straight to bed. Except Frank couldn’t sleep.

There were too many things going through his head.

Mainly, the future. Living the rest of his life with Gerard, hopefully getting better, his family. He hadn’t thought about paying bills in so long, since that was usually something Jamia did. And he still had savings from back when he was a musician, but maintaining the house wasn’t cheap, and food, and all the expenses of therapy and stuff. Plus the only one with a job was Gerard and his job was him, and he had to pay him, so –

‘Is everything okay?’ Gerard asked, knowing he was awake. His thoughts were too loud.

‘I need to get a job.’


	10. So Proud Yet Insecure

‘So – you _need_ a job? Or you _want_ to work?’ Gerard asked during breakfast.

Frank took a sip of coffee, and then looked up at his boyfriend. ‘A little bit of both? I need a job because savings won’t last forever. And I’m tired of feeling useless.’

Gerard gave him a look and took his hand. ‘You’re not useless.’

‘Don’t say that. We both know I’m not doing anything – I hate that.’

‘Okay, valid.’

‘Plus,’ Frank continued. ‘I don’t know – I know you need a job too, but you still work for me? So it’s kinda weird that I’m paying you to be here with me.’

Gerard laughed. ‘I know what you mean. And I can quit if you want me to –’

‘But then, you’ll need a job too, and who’s going to be around if I need to go pee?’

The nurse laughed again. ‘I’m not leaving you. I was thinking we could get government assistance for giving your caregiver. I know – a punk doesn’t accept money from the government, but it can help us out for a while until we figure out.’

The smile on Frank’s face was big and completely lovesick. ‘I guess.’

‘Now – about your job. You have anything in mind?’

Frank shook his head. ‘I’m a disabled former musician with no degree. Do I even have a chance?’

‘You do, actually. For once, you are incredibly smart, and I’m sure there’s something for you. Second of all, in case you can’t think of anything, there are places you can go and they help you get a job.’

‘That’s the thing, I really don’t know what I could do. Like I don’t have many skills other than playing guitar. And with this,’ he said, referring to his wheelchair. ‘I don’t know if I could go out there and work anywhere.’

‘You could give online guitar lessons. Or work from home. There are a lot of positions that you probably never thought of.’ He paused to take a bite from his omelette. ‘But don’t worry, we’ll find something, okay?’

‘Thank you.’ Gerard leaned in to kiss him. ‘You always make everything better.’

‘That’s my job.’

After cleaning everything – Frank was trying to be more independent so he helped with that – Gerard helped him to the couch for his morning exercises. One leg up and then the other. And so on. While Gerard sat in between his legs, holding one of Frank’s legs up in the air, he noticed something. ‘Are you hard?’ he asked laughing.

Frank couldn’t even hide it. ‘I’m sorry – I can’t help it.’

‘Wait a minute – you get hard with the therapists too?!’

‘No,’ he said, but his smile said otherwise.

‘Do I need to remind you you’re mine?’

‘Please!’ Then Gerard leaned in and started kissing him. His hands going up his chest. ‘I love it when you get jealous.’

‘That’s what you do to me.’ Frank was gasping in his mouth, and pulling from his hair. Gerard was just starting to grind his crotch against Frank’s, when the doorbell rang.

‘Fuck!’ Frank cursed. ‘It’s probably UPS. I ordered some stuff.’

‘Fuck UPS.’ Gerard got up, hoping his semi wasn’t too obvious, and went to the door. Except it wasn’t the delivery man. It was an older man with glasses giving him a confused look.

‘Hello. I’m looking for my son?’

Gerard didn’t know what to say, he just stood there.

‘Is Frank here?’

 _Where else could he be?_ Gerard thought. Does he know about his son? ‘Yeah, he’s inside.’

The other man walked in without waiting for permission, and walked to the living room, where Frank was lying on the couch, holding a cushion on top of his hard-on, not suspicious at all. ‘Hey, dad!’

‘Why haven’t you answered your phone?’

 _Shit,_ Gerard thought seeing the scene. He didn’t know what was the situation with his dad and why he just came in yelling at him. But he just went to help him sit up, and sat next to him. ‘It’s nice to see you too,’ Frank said, looking up at him.

‘I’m just worried about you, okay? You haven’t called in ages.’

‘I’m fine,’ was all Frank could say. There was a long moment of awkward silence. His dad took a seat on the other side of the couch, looking at Gerard, who was strangely too close to his son. ‘Gerard, this is my dad. Frank.’ He then turned to his dad. ‘Dad, this is my boyfriend, Gerard.’

His dad couldn’t hide the surprise on his face.

Frank tried to laugh, but he was afraid of his opinion. ‘I meant to tell you, but it all happened too quickly, and we’re still –‘

‘Listen – I’m not going to judge you, I just – what happened with Jamia and the kids?’

‘She moved in with her mom, and the kids are living with her. We’re getting the divorce.’ It hurt to say those words.

‘Is it because –’

‘No. Not really. We’ve had problem since the accident and I was an asshole for the longest time. The fact that she put up with me for that long – she even encouraged this.’ He couldn’t help the tears rolling down. ‘He’s helped me so much, dad! I don’t think I’d be alive without him.’

‘And I’m glad you are. So if he’s the one who caused this change, I’m grateful for him.’

‘And I’m grateful for your son, Mr. Iero,’ Gerard jumped in.

‘Call me Cheech,’ he said shaking his hand.

They talked more, and Gerard told him about all his improvements, which seemed to make his dad very proud. Then, both Frank and Gerard made lunch for him. ‘You’re cooking now?’

When Cheech left, he promised to be back over the weekend to see the kids. ‘I missed you, dad.’

‘I missed you, too kiddo. I missed seeing you happy.’

‘I am happy.’

Later that night, they both sat and looked for possible jobs for Frank. Gerard called one of his friends from the agency who could hook them up, and Frank called Cara, who used to be his tour manager way back then, to ask if she knew of anything. They printed forms and worked on Frank’s resumé. There were a couple office positions but they’d have to call and see if they had accommodations for a wheelchair.

Frank knew it would take some time, but it was the first step and it felt like a lot.

The next day, they were downstairs. Gerard was going through some paperwork, while Frank went through his guitar room.

He hadn’t been there in quite a while, and he had almost forgotten about many of his guitars. He looked at them, and he started missing it. His old life.

He grabbed one, and struggled to plug it into an amp, but once he did and strummed it, he felt it again. The magic inside him.

He felt alive again.

He couldn’t use the pedals for now, but just strumming made everything better.

Gerard found him playing it, all excited, and fell even more in love with him. ‘Jeez, you _are_ talented, for real!’

Frank blushed, and tried to put the guitar aside.

‘No – don’t stop. Please don’t stop.’

Frank almost cried, but kept playing. Gerard sat on the floor watching him. ‘Don’t quit, okay?’ he told Frank as he carried him upstairs.

Frank nodded.

Later, while they were getting ready to go to bed, Cara called. ‘Frank,’ she said. ‘Rob finally called me. He said he may have something for you, but you have to go to his office tomorrow morning.’

‘For real?’

‘Yeah.’

‘What happened?’ Gerard asked when he hung up.

‘I have a job.’


	11. I've Felt This Bad For So Long, I'm Scared I'm Fine

It was Frank’s first day at his new job.

To be fair, he had never had an office job. He worked at fast food restaurants and an office supply store, and then left for tour, and spent almost half his life doing that.

Now he was getting up at seven in the morning and getting ready for his first day at work.

‘So what exactly is the job?’ Gerard asked, helping him to get up.

‘I don’t know exactly. But Rob was a manager from one of my bands. He works for this agency, so they do all the bookings, and all that stuff.’

‘Oh.’ They got in the bathroom, and started undressing. Gerard helped Frank to get in the bathtub, and then got in himself. ‘Are you nervous?’

‘About the job? Yeah.’ He leaned back on Gerard’s chest and let him wash his hair. ‘I have no idea about any of this, and now add the fact I have to be in a fucking wheelchair and I’m sure the office isn’t exactly wheelchair friendly.’

‘I’m sorry about that.’

‘About what?’

‘What happened to you. Having to start from scratch, living like this. Having to deal with shit like that.’

Frank interrupted. ‘Please don’t feel sorry for me. I don’t want it. I’m finally learning to accept it, and learn to live with it.’

‘I know.’ Gerard caressed his legs, the tips of his fingers running down his scars. ‘And I don’t feel sorry for you. I just want to acknowledge how brave you are. Despite everything, you kept going.’ The way his hands stroked him, almost made Frank feel beautiful. Like every one of his scars was something precious for him, just like the rest of his body. ‘And I admire you for staying strong.’

‘I’m not strong,’ Frank said, and let out a gasp as Gerard kissed his neck. ‘But you keep me together. I wouldn’t have made it if it wasn’t for you.’ He couldn’t continue saying anything between the moans Gerard was causing by jerking him off.

‘I wish you could see yourself the way I do,’ he whispered in his ear. ‘How beautiful you are. The way you light up a room with your smile. Your resilience. You never give up no matter what life throws at you. You just needed a little help.’

When they were done, Gerard helped him out, carrying him to the chair, but Frank begged him to hold him a little longer. ‘Let’s just stay like this for a bit, okay?’ he said, his arms around Gerard’s neck, looking up at him. ‘I want to get used to this.’

‘Okay.’

They didn’t say a word, just looked at each other, smiling like stupid and kissing. ‘Maybe one day,’ Gerard started. ‘You won’t need me to hold you, and you’ll be standing in front of me on your own.’

That brought tears to Frank’s eyes. ‘Thank you for believing in me.’

‘Always. Now let’s get you ready because we still have to drive to New York, and you’re going to be late.’

‘What do I even wear?’ Frank said, looking at his open closet.

‘I don’t know,’ Gerard said, standing next to him. ‘It depends on how serious they are.’ He handed him a pair of jeans, and a white shirt. ‘Let’s add a tie.’

When Frank looked himself in the mirror, he felt weird. This wasn’t him. But he needed a job, so he had no choice.

‘You look sexy, Mr. Iero,’ Gerard said in a flirty tone, pulling from the tie. ‘Maybe when you come home, you can get a little surprise.’

‘Oh, tempting.’

They didn’t have time to have breakfast, so they got in Gerard’s car, with the wheelchair in the trunk, and stopped at Starbucks for coffee and muffins for the road. It took them forty-five minutes to get there, which wasn’t that bad, and another fifteen minutes getting Frank in the chair, up the not so friendly ramp and then to the elevator. He was starting to doubt if this was a good idea. He couldn’t have Gerard driving him around or helping him. And the whole thing was giving him anxiety.

He remembered most of these people knew him from before the accident. He hadn’t seen them since, and he was a completely different person now. He’d have to explain Gerard to them. Or why he was looking for a job.

‘I don’t know if I can do this,’ he said as the elevator was going up.

‘What? It’s too late now.’

‘I know. But –’

But then the elevator door opened and they were in the lobby of the agency that used to book his tours. Fuck.

‘Hello,’ he said, approaching the front desk. ‘I’m looking for Rob –,’ he started to say, but was interrupted by a loud scream, and a short woman running up to him.

‘Frankie boy!’ she yelled, and hugged him.

‘Cara!’ he said, just as excited. ‘I didn’t know you were in the States.’

‘I was in Cali,’ she said in her heavy English accent. ‘But convinced Rob to train you.’

‘Thank God! Now I’m a lot less scared!’

They hugged again, and Cara kept going about how long it had been since the last time they saw each other, and that they needed to go for beers. Then, she finally noticed Gerard standing there, and it got quiet. ‘Oh –,’ Frank said, realizing. ‘This is Gerard.’ The two of them shared a look that made Gerard suspect she knew something. ‘We have a lot to talk about.’

‘You owe me some beers after this.’

Frank turned to Gerard before following Cara. ‘I’ll let you know when it’s over, okay?’ he said. ‘I don’t think it’ll be long.’

‘Okay. I’ll go find a café and work on some stuff. Good luck.’ And without thinking, he leaned closer and kissed his lips.

Once he was gone, and Frank joined Cara again, he was blushing.

‘You do have a lot to tell me, man,’ she said with a wink.

***

She led him into one of the conference rooms, though they had to go through a corridor that was too narrow for his chair, and he couldn’t help noticing all the possible hazards and little accommodations for someone in his condition.

His former manager welcomed him with a hug but it was easy to see he was kind of weirded out by Frank being in a wheelchair. He wanted to tell them that it was okay. He had made peace with it, and that he hated when people looked at him with pity, but he didn’t know how to say it.

‘So – you’re looking for a job, huh?’ he asked.

Frank nodded. ‘Savings aren’t going to last forever. And I’ve literally been sitting in my ass for too long. I need to do something.’

‘I understand. Why this?’

‘I don’t really have any skills other than playing guitar.’

Rob started thinking for a while. ‘Look,’ he said. ‘I’m going to be honest with you. It’s not an easy job for someone without experience in the field. And if it wasn’t because Cara insisted, I wouldn’t have given you a chance. And I trust Cara.’

‘Me too. And I appreciate the opportunity.’

‘I would love nothing more than to have you back playing, and booking shows for you, but I know things have changed.’ Frank nodded. ‘And we’re more than happy to have you in the team.’

Frank shook his hand, with a big smile on his face.

‘Now, I know that you need accommodations, and I wish we had them. But for now, this is what we’ll do. You still need to get trained on some stuff, talk to some people. So, you just need to come to the office a couple days, and then you can work from home.’

That would make things so much easier for him. ‘Thank you so much.’

‘Welcome to the team.’

He had to fill out some paperwork, and then Cara showed him to his temporary cubicle. ‘I made sure it was close to the handicap restroom,’ she said. ‘And I’d say you can decorate your desk but you won’t be here for long, which is a shame.’

‘Thanks for that,’ Frank said, looking around. He felt weird in an office, being an adult. He wasn’t sure he liked it, but at the same time, he was kind of excited about this new start. ‘And for the job.’

‘Anytime, mate.’

There was a long silence while Frank played with the paper clips, and opened every drawer.

‘So – Gerard?’

Frank just smiled, avoiding his friend’s look. ‘He’s – the best thing that could happen to me.’

Cara let out a tiny scream, but covered her mouth with both her hands to stop herself. ‘But –’

‘We just got divorced. But it was in the best terms –’

‘Stop it. Let’s go somewhere else.’

She helped him to the elevator, and then out of the parking lot and into the street. It turned out there was a bar right next to the building. ‘Convenient,’ Frank said. ‘I might like coming to the office.’

Though the bar wasn’t wheelchair friendly, like everything else. But Cara pushed him to one of the booths by the corner, and she sat next to him. Soon, someone took their order, and then brought them a big pitcher of beer. ‘Now tell me everything,’ Cara said.

‘Well, there’s not much. I was an asshole, and ruined things with Jam. And Gerard was my nurse, and things happened.’

‘Things happened?’

‘I kissed him.’ His face went red, and his smile got a thousand times bigger.

‘You dirty dog!’

‘I know. But it’s worked out, and he’s helped me a lot. And things with Jamia are better now that we’re just friends. I see the kids on the weekends.’

‘You seem a lot happier than the last time I saw you.’

‘I am.’

They talked for another hour or two, and the alcohol was starting to have an effect on Frank. ‘I miss performing so much,’ he said out of nowhere.

‘I know.’

He called Gerard to tell him to pick him up, and it took less than ten minutes for him to get there. ‘Thanks for getting him the job,’ he told Cara. ‘It means a lot.’

‘It’s nothing. He’s a great friend to me, and I’d do anything I could to help.’ She paused. ‘Thanks for taking care of him.’

‘I’ll see you tomorrow,’ Frank interrupted, clearly drunk.

‘Of course. I’m happy to have you back.’

‘I’m happy to be back.’


	12. Made Me Believe I Was Worth Being Saved

‘Good morning, babe,’ Gerard said in Frank’s ear. ‘You gotta go to work.’

‘But I don’t want to,’ he mumbled in his sleep.

‘But you wanted to work!’

‘Well – I don’t like the idea anymore.’ He complained when Gerard pulled off the blanket, but wrapped his arms around his neck when Gerard carried him.

‘Oh, come on! Don’t be a baby! You were so excited yesterday!’

‘I know! But I don’t want to be away from you!’

‘Maybe it’s a good thing. We need to learn to do things independently. Not just you, but me too.’ He took Frank to the bathroom and started getting him ready for his bath. ‘I’ll probably come back home after dropping you off because I have some stuff to do, but I’ll be there to pick you up on time, okay?’

Frank nodded. ‘Sometimes I wish I didn’t have to depend so much on you, you know? That we could be a normal couple, and do things like a normal couple.’

‘Well, I don’t think we’re a normal couple, starting with the fact you were married with kids when we started dating.’

Frank smiles. ‘I know. But sometimes it feels this whole relationship is you taking care of me, driving me around, carrying me.’

‘But I don’t mind doing those things. You know I love you.’

‘I know you do, and I appreciate it.’ He helped him out of the bathtub, and then to get ready. They had a quick breakfast, and then got in the car and drove to the office.

***

‘Hey,’ Frank greeted the receptionist in a shy voice as he got off the elevator, and then everyone else who greeted him.

He was aware of all the looks he was getting, but he tried his best to ignore it.

He wasn’t sure if it was because of the wheelchair or because they knew him as Frank Iero, the musician, but either option made him feel extremely uncomfortable.

So he went straight to his cubicle by the corner. He knew he’d only be in the office for a while, but he brought a couple pictures to decorate his desk and look at while he was working. One of him with the kids, from before the accident. And one of Gerard. His reasons to keep going.

‘Frankie boy!’ he heard Cara calling from behind him, to then sit on the chair.

‘Hey,’ he said with a smile. He could get used to working with her.

‘I see that you’re making yourself home already,’ she said, pointing at the pictures.

‘Yeah.’ He couldn’t even hide his smile.

‘So – let me show you around, and then we can start on the training.’ Frank followed her around the office as she told him where the cafeteria and the copy room were, and she kept asking if he could move around, or if the corridors were too narrow or if anything was in his way, and he made a mental list of everything that he saw. ‘Now, this is the best part,’ she said as they reached the opposite side of the room, where there was a big table with refreshments. ‘I had to move some things around and clean the area to make sure it was accessible, but here you can get your coffee, and snacks.’

‘You set this up for me?!’

‘I mean – yeah. I didn’t want you to have to go downstairs for that.’ Frank just pulled her closer to give her a hug. ‘Iero, you’re making me soft!’

‘Good.’

Then, they went back to his desk, and she showed him how to use the database and all the calendars, gave him a brand new planner, and started telling him the basics. Before they knew it, it was lunch time, and she told him they could order online, and where they kept all the take-out menus. ‘Or, we could just use our phones.’ She got them subs through a delivery service, and they sat in the cafeteria talking about life. ‘So – this Gerard guy seems nice.’

‘He is.’

‘Yeah, you told me yesterday while you were drunk.’

Frank had to laugh. ‘I’m sorry. Remind me not to drink again.’

‘But you’re so funny when you’re drunk!’

‘You only say that because you love me.’

‘True.’

They kept talking, and then went back to work. They had already assigned him a band. They were local, but Cara knew they trusted Frank enough to make it work, and she started telling him what to do.

By the time five came, Frank already had an idea of how to do it, and it was time to go home. Gerard was waiting for him in the parking lot, and helped him get in the car. ‘How was your day?’ he asked.

‘Excellent,’ Frank replied with a smile.

‘I’m glad to hear that. I think you really needed this.’

They drove back home, stopping at Starbucks because Frank needed more coffee. When they got home, they cooked dinner together, and Frank told him about his day.

Frank called the kids while Gerard finished cleaning up.

He liked this new life.

Feeling useful.

Having a purpose.

Waking up and having something to do. Feeling normal.

They sat to watch TV and Gerard lay his head on Frank’s lap, letting him stroke his hair and take care of him, and Frank appreciated it.

While they cuddled, the younger man made a noise that worried Gerard. ‘Are you okay?’ he asked.

‘Yeah – I just – I’m okay.’

‘Frank.’

‘It’s just my back. Nothing out of the ordinary. It always hurts.’

‘It does?’

Frank nodded hesitantly, not wanting to worry him. ‘It’s nothing. I’m used to it.’

‘But you just complained!’ Frank still said nothing. ‘It’s okay to admit it. I can give you some painkillers, give you a massage.’

‘I’m fine.’

Gerard just got up without saying anything, and walked to the room. Frank thought he was mad at him for a moment, and that it was all his fault, but then he was back, and carried him in his arms. ‘C’mon.’

‘What are you doing?’ Frank asked, as Gerard took him outside to the backyard, and sat him in sofa next to the pool. Then he sat next to him, and took at a plastic baggie full of weed.

‘You’re my hero, you know?’ Frank said.

Gerard just smiled and proceeded to roll a joint to share. ‘Here.’

Frank took the first drag, holding it in as much as he could and then exhaled. ‘This shit is good. I didn’t know you had some.’

‘Of course I do.’

‘Then why didn’t you offer me before?’

‘I don’t know. The kids? I didn’t know how to bring it up.’

‘Well, thanks for sharing.’

‘Of course.’

He was already feeling the effects, and the pain was starting to disappear. He wanted to thanking again, for always saving him, but he knew words weren’t needed. He just took his hand, and took another drag.

Soon, they were already thinking of useless ideas for products that nobody needed, and movies. And somehow Gerard mentioned that he had always wanted to be a writer. ‘Then you fucking should!’ Frank said.

Gerard laughed.

‘I’m serious. I want you to follow your dreams, and write all the books you want. And I want you to tell me all your crazy ideas, and I’ll always tell you if they’re stupid or genius.’

‘Would you do that for me?’ Gerard asked.

‘Absolutely. But just know that I’m biased and for me all your ideas are genius.’

‘That’s why I love you.’

‘Well, I love you more.’

They stayed in silence for a while, aside from Frank’s giggling, and when they finished the blunt, they went back inside and straight to bed.


	13. This Life is Yours If You Want It

Frank hated to wake up so early. Especially when it was for physical therapy.

Even though it was just starting to work, and he was excited to get better, though he’d never admit it, it still hurt a lot.

‘It’s for your own good, Frankie,’ Gerard encouraged him as he helped him to get ready, knowing the power he had on him. ‘Soon, you’ll be walking, and we can go for a walk to the park and hold hands. Wouldn’t that be nice?’

Frank couldn’t help smiling at that. ‘It’s all I want.’

They headed to therapy, and Frank tried his best. He had the whole session in the pool, though there were no improvements from the last one.

‘It doesn’t mean you’re not getting better,’ Gerard assured him as he was helping him to the shower. ‘You’re doing a lot better than when you started.’

‘I know.’ But still, Gerard knew it took him some time to recover from the insecurity, and a lot of spoiling. So he got him in the car, and they drove home, where they watched movies all day, and smoked a joint to help Frank with the pain.

The next day, he went back to work as normal, still getting trained by Cara. And at least it helped to keep his mind off everything.

‘We should go out,’ Cara said out of nowhere on Friday. ‘Call your boy and tell him to meet us at the bar.’

It was a long time since Frank had a night out, so he didn’t think twice.

When Gerard met them at the parking lot of the bar, they’re smoking out in the cold. ‘Who’s that hottie coming this way?’ Frank yelled as Gerard was approaching.

‘Hi, babe,’ he said and leaned in to kiss him.

‘Hi, Gerard,’ Cara interrupted.

‘Hi, Cara.’

‘Shall we?’ Frank said and they went inside.

The place was tiny and with barely any accommodations for Frank’s chair, but he didn’t care. He just wanted one night where he didn’t have to worry about it. At least someone in the crew let them to one of the booths that was closest to the restrooms and the bar, and they had a good view of the stage.

A local band of college-aged kids started playing, and Frank couldn’t help remembering what it was in a band. Especially that young. Playing in front of the crowd. The stomachaches he always got beforehand. Singing at the top of his lungs. How it was the best feeling in the world.

‘You miss it?’ Gerard whispered in his ear.

He nodded, but tried not to look like he was about to cry. He focused on drinking, and listening to Cara’s dumb jokes. The song they were playing.

‘You’ll be back there one day,’ Gerard said. ‘I know it.’

They kept drinking and talking. Cara told Gerard all the crazy stories they had from tour and about the time they got stuck in the middle of Russia because they missed the train, and an old man was flirting with Frank. ‘What can I say?’ Frank joked. ‘Old men have a thing for me.’

‘Oh, fuck off,’ Gerard replied.

Gerard told them that nursing school could be just as crazy sometimes, especially being one of the few guys there. ‘I never was part of one, but when I was doing my residency, some of the nurses had orgies.’

‘Nice!’ Frank commented.

‘Nurses can get crazier than rockstars.’

Cara laughed. ‘I wish I had listened to my mom now and gone to nursing school.’

‘Hey, so –’ Frank was already drunk and slurring his words. ‘You pretty much know everything about me. But I don’t know a lot about your life before we met.’

‘There’s not a lot to know. I was working at a nursing home for a while. Was living with my folks after that when I didn’t have a job.’

‘Was there – someone?’

Cara took that as her cue, and walked to the bar to get another beer.

‘Not recently,’ Gerard answered after a minute. He just didn’t like to think or talk about his past, so he hadn’t mentioned it to Frank, even though they’d been going out for months, but he wasn’t the best at talking. ‘I broke up with my last boyfriend about a year or two ago.’

‘I’m sorry.’

‘It’s okay. I moved on. But it was a weird time, and an awful relationship, and I had given up on love.’

‘But then I came into your life,’ Frank said with a cocky smile.

‘Something like that.’

‘Just – don’t forget that I’m here for you too, okay?’

‘Okay.’

They kissed, and Frank pulled him until he was sitting on his lap. ‘I love you.’

‘I love you, too.’

***

As the responsible boyfriend slash caregiver that he was, Gerard didn’t have a drink all night so he could drive them back home. ‘We should do this more often,’ Cara said as they said goodbye.

‘We definitely should,’ Frank added.

‘Thanks for inviting me, too.’

‘Of course!’

Then Gerard got Frank in the backseat so he could sleep on the way home. ‘Just yell at me if you need to throw up.’

‘I will.’ But he passed out as soon as the car started and didn’t wake up until they parked outside their house.

The following morning, Frank woke up with a hangover. ‘Jamia is bringing the kids in about an hour,’ Gerard informs him.

‘Shit. What time is it?’

‘Eleven fifteen.’

‘We were supposed to pick them up two hours ago.’

‘I know. But I told Jamia that you were sleeping in because of work and she said she’d bring them over.’

‘And I told them I’d take them to the amusement park.’ He rubbed his eyes with the heel of his hands, trying to wake up.

‘We can leave it for next week. I’m sure they’ll understand.’

‘Trust me, Miles will never forgive me.’ He sounded worried, and Gerard knew he hated to disappoint his kids. ‘Let’s just go, okay?’

‘Are you sure?’

‘Yeah. I miss hanging out with them.’

‘Fine. Let’s get ready then.

By the time Jamia dropped them off, Frank had made sandwiches for the road, and had packed a bag. They told Gerard about all their traditions every time they went on a car drive, and Cherry picked the music this time. The Cure and an emo playlist. ‘Wow, you have taste, Cherry,’ Gerard said from the driver’s seat. Frank was in the back of the van and he and Cherry first bumped.

When they got there, Frank reminded them not to leave their side and to behave.

They started at the arcade, where Frank played with them and he got a stuffed turtle that the kids quickly claimed for themselves, and Gerard bought one of those cheesy spray painted shirts with a unicorn and Miles insisted that he should have his dad’s name on it, so he told the guy to write Frank on the shirt.

They bought cotton candy for everyone, and took dumb pictures with Miles’ polaroid, and then headed to the rides. Frank insisted that Gerard went ahead with the kids, and that he’d wait for them, though Lily skipped a few of them too.

And Frank was honestly having fun and enjoying the trip with the kids and Gee, being a family. He loved how they looked up to Gerard as another parental figure, not just their dad’s boyfriend. And how Gerard treated them as his own kids and had all the patience in the world.

They were heading to the main area, looking for the restrooms, and then, it was all too crowded, and people were coming from everywhere, without a care for Frank.

He got lost in the sea of people and couldn’t see where Gerard and the kids were. He yelled for them, but they wouldn’t answer or come. And the more he went on, the more lost he got, and he started to have a panic attack.

What would happen if they couldn’t find him?

What would he do?

He closed his eyes and took a break. Then he looked around and try to get someone’s attention, but no one seem to give a shit and they all looked far away.

He closed his eyes again, and then he felt a tiny hand in his. ‘I’m here, dad.’ It was Lily. She looked at him, knowing what was going on and stayed there, until the rest showed up.

‘Are you okay?’ Gerard asked, and Frank didn’t say anything, so he pushed him to the side, where they all helped him. Gerard kneeled in front of him and told him to follow his breathing pattern. ‘Let’s go home, okay?’

Frank nodded and they went back to the van.

Back home, the kids wanted to have a picnic so they sat outside by the pool, and had cold pizza for dinner. They all made up stories, trying to see who came up with the dumbest one that made Frank laugh, just to cheer him up.

Somehow Frank ended up daring them to get in the pool with their clothes on and said he’d get them a new videogame, knowing that they wouldn’t do it, but Miles immediately ran to the pool and jumped. Then Cherry, and lastly Lily.

‘Come on, dad!’ Cherry insisted.

‘I can’t,’ Frank said.

But he wasn’t quick enough, and Gerard carried him and jumped in with him in his arms.

They all splashed water at each other, but Frank had to hold tighter to Gerard so he wouldn’t drown. And for a brief second, he could swear he could move his legs in an attempt to swim, but didn’t say anything because he was afraid he just imagined it.

But it didn’t matter.

If this was his life for the rest of forever, having his kids around, joking around and Gerard by his side, he was more than okay. ‘How do you do it,’ he said in Gee’s ear. ‘How do you always bring me back to life?’


	14. Six Feet Down Under

‘Does it feel good?’ Gerard whispered in the younger man’s ear, on top of him, while they both lay naked in bed, except for their underwear and a blindfold around Frank’s eyes. In the meantime, Frank was moaning and sweating.

‘The brain is the most powerful sex organ, you know that? I can just tell you how my fingers are inside you, touching you and exploring you, and I bet you can feel that without me even touching you, huh?’

All Frank could do was let out a breathy moan, holding tight to his partner’s arms. 

‘Or I can just moan loud until I make you come.’

‘Please.’

So Gerard did, careful not to move a lot since the exercise is about turning him on without touching him. Except he couldn’t help it, and reached for Frank’s erection, pumping it until he came.

‘Fuck, that was good. I’m grateful for whatever you’ve been reading lately,’ Frank said, gasping, as Gerard took off the blindfold and kissed him.

‘Right?’

There were some days when the pain was too much and Frank just couldn’t get out of bed or move, and it was one of those, days, but Gerard tried his best to make it better for him. he cooked for him and took it to bed, and they watched movies, with the dogs around them, and they shared a joint to help Frank with the pain.

‘You think I’m gonna get better?’ he asked out of nowhere while they were smoking outside.

‘I’m sure you will.’

‘You think so? Like sometimes I can swear my legs move a little but I don’t want to get excited.’

‘Wait – why didn’t you tell me?’

‘Because what if I’m just imagining things and I want it so bad that I thought it was real. You know, like a ghost limb that you can still feel.’

‘But what if it’s not? Frank, this could be a huge improvement. It means it’s working.’

‘Do you think I could be getting better?’

‘In the words of a wise man I know, keep the faith.’

‘You’re quoting Bon Jovi now?’ And then they were both giggling and going back to random topics.

***

After calling in sick the last two days, Frank called his boss and told him he’d be at the office for the rest of the week to make up for it, despite knowing the drive would be hell.

He had to be part of a meeting, and the head of one the labels loved his input, and kept asking him questions and even offered him a job on the spot, but he didn’t know what to say. ‘I’m good here,’ he said. ‘But thank you, sir.’

He made calls for the rest of the day, and set up more meetings, and tried to get international booking agents for the artist. He’d seen Cara done it a million times, but it was even more frustrating to do it himself. And now that she was gone, he didn’t have anyone to hang out with or go to lunch with, so he preferred to order delivery and keep working.

At home, Gerard would always make him dinner and give him a massage, after his exercises, and then, they’d make out before bed.

He was still getting used to this new life. Having a normal office job, living with Gerard, having the kids over on the weekends, trying to get better. And then repeat.

With the help of Gerard, the kids set up a tent in the basement, and they told ghost stories while having popcorn, and then fell asleep all cuddled up.

On Monday, Frank was back at the office, and he tried to keep to himself most of the time, not knowing how to socialize and make new friends. He ate his salad in his cubicle, while he made spreadsheet after spreadsheet, trying not to go crazy. And there were more meetings, which he had to attend. ‘You’re Frank Iero, right?’ the assistant of one of the producers asked, interrupting the meeting.

Frank didn’t know what to answer, as usual, and just stuttered. ‘Yeah – I –’

‘I saw you play The Troubadour a couple years ago. You were great.’ He didn’t know if he should be flattered. It was like shoving in his face the fact that he used to be something, and now he didn’t know it he was anything.

‘Thank you,’ was all he could say.

‘It was a shame about your –’

‘Can we please not talk about it here? We’re trying to get to the point and we’re already late.’ But he just hoped it wasn’t too obvious how much it had hurt. And then, when he was in the lobby, waiting for Gerard to come pick him up, the assistant walked up to him again, and Frank hated that he wasn’t fast enough to get away.

‘Hey – I’m sorry about what I said,’ he told Frank. ‘I shouldn’t have.’

 _No, you shouldn’t have,_ he thought but didn’t dare to say out loud. ‘It’s okay.’

‘So – I don’t know if you’re still making music, but here’s my card if you’re interested in releasing something. Anything.’

‘Aren’t you the assistant?’

‘Maybe, but I know people. And I’m a huge fan. Your music saved my life once, and I really believe in it.’

‘Thank you,’ Frank replied, taking the card. He wasn’t about to admit it to him, but he had a couple songs. ‘I’ll think about it.’ And then, his boyfriend was there, and he helped him get in the car.

A couple days later, he was in the mood for some veggie wraps from the deli around the corner, but the bad news was that they didn’t have delivery, and Cara wasn’t there to help him. So at first, he thought it wasn’t worth it, he’d ordered something else. Though it could be his chance to dare and go outside by himself.

He thought of a million and one reasons not to, but he knew it could be a new experience. So he ventured outside, regretting immediately.

There were people everyone and he couldn’t move in his chair. Plus the streets of New York weren’t the best for someone in a wheelchair. But he reminded himself that he only had to cross the street and turn left .

He took a couple breaths, and turn left.

And he just had to ignore his anxiety and continue.

But there were too many people, and his wheels were getting stuck.

He didn’t even noticed when the car got to close and ran over his chair as it was making a turn, sending Frank to the floor and hitting his face on the sidewalk.

It didn’t even hurt. His mind was somewhere else, having flashbacks of the accident that had left him on a wheelchair years ago. The bus getting too close and him only noticing when he got hit. And now it was happening again.

He just hoped this time he would at least die because it was too painful the first time.


	15. Say a Little Prayer For Me

When he opened his eyes again, he saw a crowd around him.

His head was throbbing and there was an intense pain in his back.

No. He wasn’t dead.

Fuck.

‘Move him!’ someone yelled.

There was another person yelling back. ‘Are we supposed to move him or wait for the ambulance?’

‘We’re in the middle of the street! They’re going to run him over again!’ The voices sounded far away and muffled. Then a pair of hands carried him and sat him on the sidewalk, leaning on the wall.

Frank tried to speak up, say something. Tell them to get his chair, but he couldn’t. the pain was too much, and all he could do was to cry.

‘Someone call an ambulance!’ the person said.

‘On it! They’re on their way!’

In the meantime, Frank couldn’t breathe, and he didn’t know what had happened but he didn’t think he could do it. He felt like he was dying.

He knew people were staring, and talking, saying that he was going to die any minute. _I hope so,_ he thought. So he covered his face with his hands, and they got covered in blood.

_What the fuck happened?_

By the time he heard the siren of the ambulance, he was staring to pass out.

***

There was a blinding light above him. And the beeping of machines surrounding him.

_Not again._

‘Shhh,’ he heard someone say, and turned to his left to find Jamia sitting in the chair. _Was it all a dream?_ ‘Don’t scare me again, okay?’

‘I –’ His voice was hoarse and his entire body hurt when he tried to talk. ‘I’m sorry.’

‘No – you’re okay. According to a witness, the car got your chair and pushed you to the floor.’

He wasn’t okay.

He didn’t feel okay at all.

He would rather be dead.

‘Where –’ he tried to ask, making an effort.

‘On his way.’ There was a long pause. ‘I’m still on your emergency contact list. But I called him first thing. He should be here any minute.’

Frank just nodded. He couldn’t understand his luck and how he got run over twice, and just when everything seemed to be doing great, he was back to the start. Back to feeling like dying, and like nothing mattered. Jamia took his hand and stroke his hair, letting him cry on her shoulder.

‘I’m sorry this happened to you,’ she whispered. ‘You don’t deserve any of this.’

‘The kids know?’

She shook her head. ‘My mom is picking them up early, and we can call them. I want them to see you so they’re not scared.’

Frank nodded. They stayed in silence for a while, and Gerard found them hugging while Jamia comforted him. ‘Hey.’

If it wasn’t for the fact that he couldn’t move, Frank would have jumped when he heard his voice, but his eyes said everything. ‘I tried to drive as fast as I could,’ Gerard said, his eyes red from all the crying and his voice breaking. He sat in bed next to his boyfriend and pulled closer, then both of them started sobbing.

‘It’s okay, baby,’ the older man said, trying to calm him down. ‘You’re here. And we’re going to get through it, okay?’

***

‘How is he?’ Gerard asked when the doctor walked in to check on him. Frank had finally passed out, and Jamia had gone to get some food.

‘We’re going to run some tests,’ the doctor said. She paused, and looked at him. ‘You’re related to him?’

‘I’m his – I’m his boyfriend.’

‘But I thought Mrs. Iero –’

‘It’s a long story.’

The doctor just nodded. ‘Fortunately the car just got his chair. He got a few scratches here and there from the fall, possibly a fractured knee.’

Gerard nodded, relieved, even though he knew the psychological trauma was more severe. ‘You think –’ He choked in his own words, trying to figure out how to ask. ‘Before this, he was making a lot of progress, and I just wanna know if – there’s a chance –’

‘Look. My job is to tell you what I see. He’s on a lot of pain medication, so he’ll be out of it for a day or two. But as soon as we get the X rays and see what’s the damage, I can tell you what we find. But a lot of the time, patients defy the odds.’

That gave him hope.

When Jamia came back from the cafeteria, she found Gerard looking at Frank, holding his hand. ‘Hey. Everything okay?’ she asked.

‘Yeah. I’m just – thinking.’ She left the food at the table and went to seat with him. ‘This is going to be hard, isn’t it?’

‘Hopefully not as bad as last time. That was a lot.’

‘But I’ll be here for him.’

‘Hey! You mean I wasn’t there? I tried my best, and even the kids went through a lot. And I’m not blaming Frank, I know it’s a lot, and I would probably be worse if it’d been me.’

‘I’m sorry, I didn’t mean it like that. I know you did, and you’re still here, despite everything.’

‘Not despite. It was hard for me, and I thought about leaving a lot, and I yelled at him for things that weren’t his fault. But I still love him.’

‘I’m sorry about that too.’

‘Don’t be. Please.’ She hugged him, and let him cry for a while. ‘I’ll be here if you need someone.’

By the time Frank woke up, Jamia was just waiting for him so they could call the kids. ‘Hi, dad!’ all three said and unison, and that made him feel instantly better.

‘What happened to your head?’ Miles asked.

‘I fell from my stupid chair.’ He didn’t want to tell them the truth, even though they were smart, but he didn’t want to worry them.

‘Are you okay?’ Cherry asked.

‘Yes. It just hurts a little, so I’ll stay a couple days in the hospital, but we’ll go for pizza as soon as I get home.’

The kids celebrated and that was all that he needed. Jamia had to leave so she could be home in time for dinner but she’d be in touch, and if possible, she’d bring the kids the next day. ‘I’m glad that you’re okay,’ she said and kissed him on the cheek. ‘And I know you’re in good hands.’

He fell asleep again as soon as she left, and spent most of the night going in and out of sleep, and when he woke up, he was confused and anxious. It was like waking up Australia all over again, far away from his family, not feeling his legs, realizing what had happened and that his life as he knew it, was over.

Gerard was there to bring him back to the present every time, and assure him that he was going to get through it, and comfort him until he fell asleep again. And then in the morning, they took him to get every test possible. X rays, MRI and things he hadn’t heard of. He fell asleep again, and when he woke up, the kids were in the room. They gave him a dirty stuffed animal that he recognized as Lois’ right away. ‘She couldn’t come with us,’ Lily explained. ‘So she’s here in spirit.’

‘I appreciate that.’ They let them talk to him as long as possible, and it seemed to put him in a good mood.

Later in the afternoon, the doctor came back, and Jamia took the kids out to eat while they talked to the doctor. ‘We’ve gone through the test, and it’s safe to say there’s no significant damage from this,’ she said. Frank still felt like shit every time she said that because she was ignoring everything else. ‘You’ll wear a cast until your knee recovers.’

Frank smiled, faking a smile to make Gerard feel better.

‘Of course we’ll keep an eye on you, but you’re good to go home tomorrow morning.’

And he couldn’t hold it in any longer. He sobbed in his boyfriend’s shoulder as soon as the doctor left the room. ‘It hurts a lot,’ he cried.

‘I know.’ He kissed his forehead and ran his hands up and down his back. ‘And I know it sucks, and I’m sorry. But you’ll be okay. And I’ll be here with you, okay?’

‘Okay.’

Soon Jamia and the kids were back, and he used that time to get a coffee and go to the bathroom. When he was back, the kids and Frank were watching videos of Lois in Jamia’s phone, and looked surprised when he came in.

‘Dad –,’ Lily said to Frank, and he just nodded, apparently knowing what she meant.

‘Gee,’ he said, and patted the empty space next to him. Gerard went to sit next to him. ‘We have a very important question to ask.’ He just gave him a confused look, as Frank took his hand, and Lily gave him something. Frank then put a plastic ring in his pinky. ‘Would you want to be part of our crazy family?’

Gerard smile, knowing exactly what he was asking, and trying not to cry, though that part was impossible. ‘Yes,’ he answered, almost in a whisper.

‘He said yes!’ and then they all celebrated.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> As always, thank you for reading <3  
> So, what do you think? I appreciate the feedback, and would like to know what you thought....  
> Also, there are only two chapters left of this :)  
> xø


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